Christian King is a dirty toe sucker

(Our video begins as we get an up close and personal look of CHAOS in his lair, face in the lens as he is fumbling to turn on the camera.)

“Is this thing on….”

(CHAOS sees the red light and realizes he is now live, letting out a scowl and lifting his cape.)

Greetings meatbags!

Call your world leaders, clutch your pearls, and present your finest women for breeding, because CHAOS has arrived in APEX and he is here to take over! Ahaha, yes! You all thought it ended with Lord Havoc, didn’t you? You thought the suffering our supreme leader unleashed on your souls was enough, but nooo. As much as he is capable of destroying you all on his lonesome, I decided that the price the human race should pay is far greater than what he has mercifully allowed. And so I, Havocs strongest, most EVILLLL soldier, the unknown realms most cunning demon, Chaos, Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of All Villainy, has crossed over into your territory to continue to push the agenda of the superior species — to impose the will of your new leaders so we can mold the world into what it needs to be! A proper wasteland to act as our playground! Anarchy which will shock the system of your milquetoast, rigged society. It will be such fun to be out in the battlefields instead of twiddling my thumbs on the sidelines, and my opportunity to jump into the action has already arrived. Unfortunately it isn’t Judge Judith or Kelsey Creed, but rather a man named Christian King - a person whose name alone makes me want to set his wreckoning in motion. Not only does his first name remind me of you meatbags’ pathetic dogma full of flaccid tails of turning the other cheek and loving thy neighbor, but he has the nerve to announce himself to the ring with the last name KING while being on a roster with my LORD Havoc! We shall not have that! It’s your first night in Apex but we won’t allow you to get settled in with a name full of falsehoods that correct my message! I shall do my Lord Havoc a favor and not interrupt his night off…hopefully he can enjoy an evening with his queen engaging in the beast of two backs. But more importantly the takeaway is this: whether he is absent or not, our campaign will be in full effect his weekend! That is exactly why I am needed! The battle for world domination never ends, and even while my Lord rests as it his throne I shall wave the flag…and shove it up the ass of Christian King!

(CHAOS leans in and fails to shut off the camera, but doesn’t seem to notice. He looks off to the side to speak with his servant SAV.)

CHAOS: How was that? Was it menacing enough? Should I redo it and use that soul reaper line? Maybe some baby eating? I want them to truly know how EVIL I am you know —

(The video cuts.)