II. MATERIAL GIRL IN A MATERIAL WORLD.
Whilst I can’t say that I’m surprised, I can say that I’m overjoyed.
To successfully start your career in a company is a feeling that I don’t think I’ll ever tire of, being in the ring with Azumi Goto had me feeling like I wrestling my first match all over again, I had the same level of excitement coursing through my veins and I had the same determination to walk away with a win to prove that I belong to be in the position I say I want to be in, the only difference being that currently, I’m not only good at what I do, I fanfuckingtastic at what I do.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that my first victory will forever have an asterisk next to it. The means in which my contendership was solidified isn’t something I’m exactly super proud of but in the moment, I was unaware of outside factors that ultimately played a part in Azumi’s failure to get the job done, the opportunity was there and as always, I seized it, anyone would’ve done the same. I cannot change what happened but I can and will silence anyone who may be questioning the legitimacy of my current standing.
That’s what’s driving me this week.
I've always been out to seek the next best thing and I hope any and everyone that I may encounter in the ring understands that while I'm not here to take anything out from their grasp that defines them, I am for all intents and purposes going for broke. In every match. No matter the circumstance. People might ask me now that I’m one step closer to becoming the APEX World Heavyweight Champion, where the nervousness is? Where are the steel butterflies? To answer those questions, neither currently exist. Something about the word “nervous” just comes with all these added connotations of apprehensiveness or doubt in yourself, and both of those are foreign concepts to me. Am I crazy to not feel gun shy at all, given who I will be competing against and what’s on the line? Maybe, but I asked for this. I wouldn’t still be here chasing down that championship if I didn’t want this.
If my career up to this point has painted any picture, it’s been a clear portrait of a woman who won’t quit, one who KNOWS where she belongs and won’t rest until that goal is reached. I’m championship material. Having a belt slung over my shoulder and being recognized as one of the best is just a fit for me. I want to always be recognized as one of the best any company has to offer, regardless of whether I can call myself a champion or not at any given moment but being able to back up your currency with gold is an euphoric feeling. I know I’m good, but the feeling of having something tangible, something you can reach out and touch that says, “I’m the shit” is one of the greatest feelings in the world. It’s a high worth chasing, one that I’m always in search of.
I don’t want to speak for a man I’m yet to meet but I’m pretty confident in saying that Alec is the same. Hell, a lot of us desire championships, I’m just vain enough to admit that materialism is a good motivation. Is it my main or most important one? Absolutely not. But it is one. It does exist and I shan’t ignore it. None of us in the wrestling world can deny that someone’s merit is based on their list of accomplishments. You can love or hate that, you can debate whether or not it's fair but it is fact, those with at least something to their name are always going to be perceived in a better light than those with nothing, I learned that the hard way. Although on paper this may appear to be your standard match, I have motives beyond just stealing the show, facing a new face and being the good natured sportswoman the world knows and loves.
I want to, no, I need to send a message.
A warning, if you will.
I’m aware that my opponent isn’t as fortunate as I am and is most likely looking to rectify a loss but I can’t let that happen at my expense which is why I must be something cataclysmic, I must lay waste to whatever hopes and dreams Alec may have because I won’t accept anything less than victory. From what I’ve seen, Alec is good, he bests me in the experience factor but truth be told, I think that’s the only area he has be beat in, he’s more than welcome to try and prove me wrong but it’s pretty well known that just trying isn’t enough when you’re in the ring with Alyssa Grace. When I say things like that, there’s no way I can be nervous. There’s no way I can be feeling anything but self-assurance right now, because again, I asked for this. I asked to fight for the number one contendership and I asked to be booked this week. I could’ve just showed up for my contract signing and given myself the opportunity to rest a little but that’s not how I operate. I push myself physically and mentally as hard and as far as I can. My refusal to be turned back by anyone or anything is what put me here. So I can’t let up now. When the heat gets turned up, my will to be a champion once more will push me forward. I’ll be able to withstand whatever Alec throws at me. He’s pretty great but not great enough to avoid meeting defeat at my hands.
It's what's still unwritten that makes the future worth the wait.
It's what's still unwritten that makes the future worth fighting for.
Playing the waiting game, has essentially always been about how long fate should choose through non-consequential means that the supposed right of passing a metaphorical torch to run with should be. Patience. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be the queen or the ace I always feel I'm on the verge of becoming, waiting for that moment I know I will inevitably have. In my head, I am always one step away. The version of who I am now is kind of likened to, let's say the post-college “adult” version that was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organised than at any other point in my career. However, that's all forthcoming at this time. I've waited this long, I've gotten this far. As I look back and reflect on my experiences from time to time, I can see that all that, while difficult in many ways for someone like myself that allowed all the calamity of my humble beginnings to foreshadow my bottled up potential waiting to be unleashed, that was all pretty much the serene part of it. It's all been merely a beginning. Not the middle, not the end. There's no conclusion in sight. There's still that foundation I'm building, laying brick upon brick from each of my experiences, ones that have been preparing me for each new “Big Moment”. This coming episode of APEX is what I consider my next "Big Moment" to shine, and once again remind the universe what these experiences have done for me in that ring. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies. But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: that there is more. There is more, and for Alyssa Grace, the best is still to come.
For Alec Fernandes however?
The worst is yet to come.
by MinaAizawa Thu Oct 13, 2022 3:46 am
Subject: Material girl in a material world. 
