Embrace What You've Done

Avatars. These things seem to be in the popular forum of discussion when it comes to being the champion of a higher power or an entity that could bestow power. An avatar becomes this mythological foray to give people delusions of grandeur on whether they themselves are worthy. When in actuality if they must ask to be worthy they never were in the first place. It’s an interesting lie people find themselves in when they begin to fantasize about the lives they could live if an entity just said that they were one of the few chosen. It bothers me and boggles my mind because these people are just willingly letting others know that their sound mind is one of cardboard and paper. These people want power but will not work for it, and rather just let something come along and tell them they could access it if they just let them in. It’s like a fucking Jehovah's witness that these people let into them and that in itself is something that makes me sick. It makes me sick that these people want the easy way out. And I’ve gone through my career always nailing these people to a proverbial cross and sometimes a literal one because of that folly. And it was in these many instances did I fight people who were so over their head that they fell to the simplest tricks. It made me realize that these simple-minded people are just that. Simple, average, not noteworthy, which is why it is so easy for them to fall into the overt simplicity of what it means to be a person. They yearn for acceptance, they want power, and they think they can get it all with the snap of a finger and the wave of a hand but in actuality, they are nothing more than just people who are going by the whims of fate. Fate is cruel, fate which is unyielding, fate which will kick you while your down while also flaunting their abilities. That’s what they are drudging facing for all these years and then they begin to wonder why nothing goes well for them at all. It became a little-known part of them that they broadcast to the world. It was in this instance they became just people with a complex of their worth. They were never worthy, they were never going to be worthy, and they were nothing but trash.

And yet I say all of this to say that I pity them. I saw their plights and their wants and just felt nothing but sorrow for them. Because it was not they who deserved to be condemned but the ideology in which they saw faith. They saw faith in these entities they could become and I can’t blame them. They had numerous people who were succeeding based on the premise and notion of being these avatars, and then they thought it was something they NEEDED to do. That’s why I am here at this moment. To not preach about not needing to be the vessel of something you should never want, but to show you why that is something you need not worry with. I used to do this with an alter named Voin, only to realize it was just an outlet, a way for me to push against limits that I thought we holding me back. These limits were not placed on me by anyone but myself. These self-imposed limits always made me feel inadequate and I thought by being Voin I was surpassing it and doing what Aren could never do. But in my time away and in my time doing this I realized that Voin was just a part of the bigger picture I thought I couldn’t access. And then I did. I accessed that part which I thought impossible and then the next thing I knew, Voin became Me. My “alter” became the essence of Aren, the essence of who I am, and the essence of what it is I can do. And because of that, I find myself being this person who seems to vilify others who say they have demons within, but in actuality, I am only wanting to steer people toward the truth. The truth is that you don’t need to rely on these petty gimmicks, that what you’re looking for is possible. And that to force yourself to undertake or to rely on something as external as an alter is only doing you a disservice and is only making others realize one thing about you. And that is that you are unable to persevere as you are. And if you’re unable to do that then what use do you have here? What use do you have to the people around you if you must further mask yourself with an identity that is not even you. You are making a mockery of what you could do as a person, but also a mockery of those who have done nothing but shown support for you in any way. These people who come and support you, these people who are the most vocal of supporters you mocked them by taking this deal. And yet you just sit there idly watchin and waiting as bullshit upon bull shit keeps getting worse. This is why I do what I do every day out here. People think it’s cause I’m bitter. People think it’s because I want to have this scene all to myself and that those who do it are pretenders just to me. That is farther from the truth, the truth of the matter is I am sick and tired of people wanting to position themselves as if they are better than everyone, but in actuality it is that alter. When it comes to winning you win on your own strength, when it comes to being a champion you do it on your own. People put asterisks on your reigns if someone helped you win. People put asterisks when the circumstances of the reign are called into question. People do so much to make others feel as if their worth is not much due to something not being perfect. But people digging into their demons and “being possessed” by them is just a fancy way of saying they’re using methods that aren’t their own. Voin was a method used for me to be more brutal, but now I stand here being able to bring brutality without him. These identities are the same side of the same coin yet people act like it’s something to control, something to overtake, or something to let override but that has never been the case.

These words sound like I am rambling, and it may sound like that for people who feel as if I am coming at their livelihood but that is what I want people to believe. Because I don’t ramble. I let people know the truth. These demons we let plague or live these demons we’ve let determine our skillsets are just little sets of baggage that we haven’t come clean with yet. That’s why I am so against them now. They represent our worst fear, that we are worse without them. If you want a good comparison look at Chris. This man has ridden his popularity and his worth being showcased as Havoc for as long as he’s been on the scene. He wants to hide it, saying it’s something he never needs and that these fits of it manifesting are out of control. But we all know that is wrong. We know that deep beneath he made this due to his inadequacy within himself. He yearns to be better than what he presents himself but whenever he fails to meet that mark outcomes Havoc. He was failing every time he brought Havoc out. If you want to look at his track record and the times Havoc came out you would see that he was always waiting and always losing to the people better than him. Then by supernatural means he always came back, like a second wind that a runner gets when they run a marathon. But these second winds were something more because it would be like the embodiment of a different being was overtaking Chris. And in this charade, Chris built a foundation for people to believe that he had the ability to be overtaken and that by doing so would allow him to do more damage to others. But we know this wasn’t true. WE people who know what is truly happening were knew how it was happening. Chris just fought against the pain which is a testament to his resilience, and in order to keep up the facade, he acted differently and acted as if he wasn’t Chris anymore. And Havoc was born from this. Born from this deceit, born from the lies that Chris told about himself to make sure that everyone didn’t know he was becoming more and more of a liability to himself. This is why I wanted to fight you, Chris. Because you are one man who needs to realize he is lying to himself. Havoc was never real, Havoc was the manifestation of what it meant to be weak to you. You saw yourself as a weakling and needed the image of a strong identity to help you win titles, you needed the image of something bigger and better than what you could possibly do in order to get to where you are right now. And Havoc was that thing. Havoc became it so Chris could always hide behind it. And Chris when you realized that, you let Havoc overtake you and become the primary identity and cause mayhem wherever you were. Until now where you’ve “gained control” back over yourself. You see the narrative fits, the man has beaten his devil, and the man within has become one with himself yet again and can now go back to being what he was before. But that’s not how this works Chris, that is not how any of this works. What instead will happen is you are going to get into that ring and stand across from me. You are going to stand there and we are going to fight, and we are finally going to let Chris see light. We are going to let who you’ve always been see light. Because when all those times ago Echo was talking to Havoc, he was talking to your pathetic excuse of a coping mechanism for your inadequacy. We knew that what was in you wasn’t as supernatural as what people always made it out to be. We always knew it and we are finally going to show the fraud in front of us. Chris has always been Havoc, Havoc has always been Chris. All those fucking atrocities that you tried to pawn off onto this “alter” have just always been you, someone who wanted to shift blame so you could always still be seen in the light. Chris was always wanting to be seen in the light so Havoc needed to be in the dark. But when people realize you were lying and that you were just trying to play us all a fool, well that’s when the real fun begins. Because we’ll announce you a fraud, we’ll show everyone that who you have always been was this big manipulator who tried and wanted everyone to love him. And to do that they needed to hate someone who wasn’t him. Chris my boy you are just going to have to embrace that you’ve always been Havoc. Because once you do that you can live guilt-free. You won’t have to listen to the follies around you, you won’t have to let everyone around you dictate what to feel. You could just finally be. That is what I offer, a chance to finally be. A chance to finally become the true self you’ve hidden. Chris, time to be whole. Embrace who you really are.